Now what? (it's personal and it's a vent/plea/whatever)

Discussion created by Cécile on Mar 7, 2018
Latest reply on Mar 14, 2018 by IT_User

In a past post I shared how the new chair of our organization had put the breaks on the FileMaker projet as she is reevaluating all our processes. She comes from the corporate world where she was VP of a major broadcasting company so she is used to dealing in the big games.


I really wanted to go to the FM conference in Montreal so this morning I went to see her about it. The result was no, she is not going to spend a dime on something that will be likely replaced. She was not satisfied by my report (I must say that the most important part - regarding the where we are going -sucked and looked like a 7 pages of brainstorm; that is all I managed to produce in the time frame I had to prepare it, considering that my regular functions were super busy.) which seems to have convinced her that this is bound to failure.


She in fact confirmed that she had made her decision to use a different technology because apparently she had hired a company to create a system and managed that software development project in the past and that this software can successfully handle millions and millions of dollars, etc. In other words, she is biased because she has already a firm lined up. Anyway. That is her right her choice and her responsibility towards this organization to do what she believe is best.


And I can't even argue with that because I know that I did not show project management abilities, I am not a seasoned developer, I suck at planning and budgeting. From a promising brilliant student and young adult, life and chronic health issues made me default in a 22 years career as a Temp secretary (which i hated but bilingual and strong grammar would do that), turned UAT conceptor by someone who saw that potential (that turned out to be real) in me in 2013 and when that contract ended after 4 renewals, I did not want to go back to temping so I took a leap and invested myself in developping an add-in for Word in 2014-15  that could have generated a lot of money if I had finished it, but I ran out of money and ruined, took that job I am at for 8k less than I was paid before in a new city where I knew no one, living frugally to pay the debts incurred in my venture. My love story with FileMaker started here 2.5 years ago as a user then citizen developer. It is what kept me going, in a city with no friends, when my bf left for a job 6 hours away and ended our relationship, what keeps me going and keeps me motivated in a mind-dumbing soporific repetitive job that fries your brains as you are required to make constant judgment calls 8 hours a day. If/when this will be taken from my hands, I will have no longer a reason to stay here. But at 47, not good enough a developer to consider this path a sustainable one, too many responsibilities to start over at shitty wages, I feel like crying out of frustration and feeling of insecurity. Now what?